I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
