I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
