I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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