the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
