My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
