Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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