why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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