i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
