if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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