How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
