Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
