no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
