Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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