My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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