I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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