i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
