I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
