You can't motorboat a personality
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
