i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
