It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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