she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
