Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
