Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
