No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
