if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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