I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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