The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
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SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
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fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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