well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
