How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
