Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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