He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
