if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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