Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
