you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
