On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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