He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
