I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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