Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.