Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
