I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
where am i from again
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
