First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
