my mouth tastes like poor choices
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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