he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They took my balls.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
