Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
do herpes really smell.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
