when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
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I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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