Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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