it wasn't lemon gatorade
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
