Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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