Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
