she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
