everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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