I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
