hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
