I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
