Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
