DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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