After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
