They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
