Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
