I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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