i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
