and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize