I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
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Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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