Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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