Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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