This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
