They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
